I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
