So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
