I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
