The maid of honor just puked.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
