There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize