Pregnant stripper...not hot.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
