Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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