It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
