8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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