Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
