I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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