I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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