Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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