Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
