I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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