when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
