nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize