Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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