If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
