Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
