I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The dick lei will go down in squad history
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
