Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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