I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
