Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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