i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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