Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
