im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
