last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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