I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
