Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize