Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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