dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
