yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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