Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
