I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
