Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
