i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
