He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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