i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
