Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
