Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
