Buhtt sex?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
