I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
