It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
