dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
