Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
