the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
