what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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