Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize