Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
