i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My balls are so social today.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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