The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
