so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
