She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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