My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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