I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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