I'd wear matching sweaters with you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
