If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
