i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
