i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My balls are so social today.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
