He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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