The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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