It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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