Pappa wants mamma naked
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
