I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
