Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
