Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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