By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
