he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
