the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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